One Last Note

This solution process should be a communal journey. There is no gatekeeper of language. Be forgiving of those who mistakenly or unknowingly use language that may sting. It will not be an overnight process, but beginning with your group of friends could result in a chain reaction. 

Okay, so what's the solution?

After all this discussion of the problem, we believe we have a solution. We call for all men and women who have read our argument to begin combating casual homophobia and misogyny on a daily basis. It will be difficult. Once you have become aware of the problem, you will see it everywhere. Even from your closest friends.

You will need to address them. But the key is to be non-confrontational. For many of us, we don’t even realize how much this problem has pervaded our vocabulary and speech. Even more of us would deny holding sexist or homophobic views. But pose this question to them: do you believe subconscious cues impact your decision-making processes? We have found that many people would say yes.

The next logical leap in that conversation is how loaded language can be. When someone equates being a woman to being weak, or being gay to being un-cool, it becomes a form of ranked and coded language. We are all quietly assaulting the validity of one’s identity when we use this language. Ask your friends to think pensively about the words that come out of their mouth. Don’t reprimand them. But posit the idea that sticks and stones may break bones, but words can last forever.

Media's Role, continued

It is no secret that misogyny is a widespread problem in the media today. A specific example of this can be seen with women’s athletics. Very rarely are women’s sports televised, and when they are, it is usually on secondary channels and not during prime time. However, when women athletes are given media coverage, it is almost always highly sexualized. When ESPN the magazine puts a female athlete on it’s cover, the athlete is usually scantily clad or in a promiscuous pose. This is especially highlighted by Sports Illustrated’s annual swimsuit edition, which is the magazines highest selling issue annually. Women’s athletics is just one specific example, however, as there are many, many other instances of misogyny in today’s media. As we discussed in class, rap and other types of music are often frequent perpetuators of misogyny and heteronormativity. Considering that millions of young people could be listening to any given song at any given time, one can easily see how influential the song’s message could be. When women are constantly being highly sexualized or viewed as objects, heteronormative ideas only gain a stronger foothold in the minds of young people. But this is only part of the equation. While not as common as misogyny and heteronormativity, male bonding rituals are also perpetuated by the media. Television shows such as Friday Night Lights, which heavily feature sports such as football, help to make ideas like “not throwing like a girl” or “don’t cry like a girl” seem commonplace. Now, to adults, who can probably tell what is morally right or wrong, these media portrayals may not be that large of a problem. The real problem lies in the young people, who haven’t seen much of the world yet. 

What role does the media play?

The media plays a significant role in perpetuating not just heteronormativity, but misogyny and male bonding rituals as well. The biggest media outlet for this promotion is television. According to “Where We Are on TV: 2012-2013 Season”, 95.6 percent of regular characters in primetime broadcasts are straight. While having straight characters is not an outright slight against gays and bisexuals, it does help to reinforce the ideas of heteronormativity. Since young people rarely see non-heterosexual characters on television, these gay or bisexual characters become the exception when they are present. Being the exception goes along with the heteronormative mindset that heterosexual relationships are the only “normal” type of relationship. Little instances like this where heteronormativity is quietly promoted can be found everywhere on television. Specifically, the heteronormative idea that men need to be, and are superior to, women can be found on many television shows and movies.

Misogyny, defined

The last term we chose to define is misogyny. As Michelle Rodino-Colocino stated in the Encyclopedia of Gender in Media, “…misogyny means the hatred, dislike of, or prejudice against women. Misogyny supports patriarchy, systematic male dominance, and female subjugation.” It is a very widespread problem that can be found, in some form, in nearly every culture. Probably the most common form of misogyny in today’s culture is the rampant sexualization of women in all forms of media. Misogyny goes hand in hand with heteronormativity in the sense that boys are taught to believe that women are inferior to them, that it is normal for men to control, look down upon, and use women. This is a cultural problem that is instilled in boys as soon as they start to understand the world. Misogyny is also present in male bonding rituals, when women are used as the example of what not to be like. As stated previously, male bonding rituals often discourage boys from being like girls, which is blatant misogyny. All three of these terms are tightly interwoven into the problem that is heteronormativity among young men. It is a very complex issue, but by looking at it through the lens of these three terms, the problem, and its potential solutions, becomes much clearer. 

Male Bonding Rituals, defined

For our second term, we chose to look at male bonding rituals. This term a little more open ended than heteronormativity. Basically, male bonding rituals are a wide series of activities and actions undertaken by boys to become closer to each other and more masculine. Often, these rituals have some aspect that is demeaning to women, homosexuals, or other types. This ties back to heteronormativity and what is “normal”. For example, many male bonding rituals are based on the idea of encouraging boys to not be girly. Football coaches often tell their young players to man up, be tougher, stop being such a girl, etc. They perpetuate the idea that men are supposed to be superior to women physically. However, it is not just women who are demeaned by male bonding rituals, as homosexuals are also often targeted. Calling another boy a faggot or telling him to “stop being so gay” are common ways boys are taught to show their masculinity. This is a serious problem, as it reinforces hate against homosexuals and paints them as outsiders who should not be accepted. This is clearly wrong, and young boys should be raised to be accepting and open to people who are different from them. Male bonding rituals go hand in hand with heteronormativity, which is the core of the problem we are addressing.

Heteronormativity, defined

Let's define some terms.

To begin, it makes sense to look at heteronormativity first, since it is the core of the problem we’re addressing. A basic definition of heteronormativity is that it is a cultural belief or mindset that opposite sex relationships are the only acceptable form of sexual relationships, and same sex relationships are frowned upon and seen as unacceptable. Karin A. Martin and Emily Kazyak, while talking about heteronormativity in one of our readings for class, said that it “structures social life so that heterosexuality is always assumed, expected, ordinary, and privileged. Its pervasiveness makes it difficult for people to imagine other ways of life.” It is deeply ingrained in most cultures of the world. The problem occurs when these deep rooted beliefs turn toward things that aren’t the norm, and in turn affect them negatively. These non-norm things range from the obvious, such as same sex relationships not being accepted, to more subtle actions, such as a group of boys picking on another boy because he’s not acting “manly” enough. Heteronormativity is everywhere in our society today, and while it has gotten more accepting over time, there is still much more that needs to improve.

-Pat Hagan 

Et tu, Joakim?

Professional Sports are part of the Problem

         One of the most common male-bonding rituals is the viewing and discussion of professional sports. Sports are a part of many young boys’ lives from an early age. As they grow older, they are expected to participate in team sports as a rite of passage. Not surprisingly, many of these boys grow to idolize their professional counterparts. The National Basketball Association, the fasting growing American sports league in terms of popularity, plays a major impact on what’s ‘cool’ for young men. There are countless recognizable players whose skill on the basketball court has led them to become popular culture icons. Unfortunately, homophobia and misogyny are still prevalent themes in the league as its influence continues to grow. In the past few years alone, marquee players including Kobe Bryant, Dwight Howard and Joakim Noah have all been caught on camera using slurs that were either homophobic or misogynistic in nature. It is unsurprising that in a culture that is founded on the putting-down of others continues to perpetuate at the highest level. But, the problem here is that these players are seen as role models. When the ‘cool’ guys are doing it, the youth can be expected to follow.

Keys to being a man: 1) Don't be a gay 2) Don't be a woman

So, in addition to the inherent homophobia present in heteronormative assumptions, there is an equal amount of misogyny.

Another common aspect of a young man’s life is the strict understanding that it is not okay to behave like a girl. Even from a young age, boys are encouraged to not “throw like a girl” or “cry like a girl.” These are present in all male-bonding rituals, where a major part of camaraderie is feeling part of the “boys club.” Interestingly, it is often times socially accepted for a young girl to behave like a boy (“tomboy”) but a young boy acting like a girl will be chastised (“sissy”.) As boys get older, the words may change but the theme of the discourse does not. In addition to “faggot”, other words that are meant to cut deeply include “pussy” and “bitch”, which both seek to degrade by the comparison to women. 

'Fag Discourse'

Amongst many young men, ‘fag discourse’ is a prevalent topic of conversation. This term refers to the tendency to attack one’s masculinity by calling his heterosexuality into question. Words like ‘faggot’, ‘fag’, ‘queer’ and ‘homo’ are used derisively. Even in more innocuous situations. These words are used interchangeably in place of words like ‘lame’ or ‘loser’. This reinforces the notion to young men that being gay is ‘uncool’ and ‘undesirable.’ Men’s heterosexuality is aggressively interrogated throughout their young lives. Those young men that are not conquering women and proving their sexual interest in the other gender are considered weak.  

Let's talk about the problem...

Heteronormativity is a term for a set of lifestyle norms that hold that all people fall into distinct and complementary genders (male and female). Those who do not fit into that norm receive sanctions from society, whether overt or subtle, that seeks to punish and normalize those perceived as “others”. For many of these perceived “others” that do not fall neatly into the one of the two subsets, these sanctions can be very emotionally distressing and even in other cases, life-altering. Put plainly, heteronormativity is the assumption that all people are straight. In heteronormative assumptions, people of less common sexual orientation (lesbian, bisexual, gay, etc.) are non-existent. This is a type of symbolic annihilation. Heteronormative assumptions can negatively influence the lives of both men and women, but in this paper we will be exploring the impact on young men in particular.